Sunday 3 May 2015

You Can Do it, Sweetheart

So I just started a job as a swimming instructor. Before I can take my own classes I have to do a certain amount of training. Yesterday was my first day and I was paired with a young guy to teach me the ropes. He was fit, friendly, into music and festivals and we got along really well. 

We were teaching very small children how to get comfortable in the water and within a few minutes I already noticed a huge difference between the boys and the girls. It wasn't their skill level, their behaviour or even their appearances, it was the way my fellow swimming instructor was treating them. He referred to the young boys as 'buddy' while he comforted the young girls with his use of the word 'sweetheart'. I know for the most part this was because he couldn't remember their names, but I felt really uncomfortable about it. 

To see gender roles and stereotypes ingrained in children at such a young age is particularly difficult for someone who was prescribed the wrong one as a child. Although this is done all the time and we can't really know what effect it has on children, I think it's dangerous territory. 

I definitely noticed a huge shift when transitioning from female-to-male purely from the perspective of which words people started to refer to me with. Walking into shops and being called 'dude', 'buddy', 'mate', I realised I was suddenly invited into a special VIP club that I had not necessarily signed up to be in. I was a part of the team. It immediately made me feel supported unlike those words' counters, 'sweetheart', 'darling', 'honey', which always made me feel angry and patronised. 

So what’s so wrong with calling a woman, sweetheart?

Well, for one, it is a reminder that you are being viewed as a gender first, and not a person. Women can just as easily be called ‘buddy’, ‘mate’ or even ‘dude’ but men (I imagine) would be hugely insulted if someone referred to them as ‘sweetheart’. Why is this? Well because being a woman in society is looked down upon, so comparing a man to a woman? Unheard of! Unfortunately, women are so used to being seen as purely their gender, and this word says it pretty blatantly. It’s like calling someone a ‘female doctor’, why can’t she just be a doctor? Oh, but then we wouldn’t know how miraculous her career path is because she’s a woman!

This also reinforces a stereotypical expectation that I would say is a very large handful of years outdated, that women must be delicate, approachable and frankly, that a woman is anyone’s for the taking. Speaking on behalf of my past female-identifying self, I am NOT your sweetheart. I’m no one’s sweetheart. I’m not even my OWN sweetheart! (I’m just not that sweet) and calling someone that, tells them that not only do they have to live up to this now expected image of them as a happy, lovely, always positive being, but that they have to live up to it for you, a stranger!

Irrespective of the gender thing, it’s a power play. What right do you have to call a woman you have never met in your life, a ‘sweetheart’? You don’t know that she has a sweet heart, so don’t make assumptions, and I can guarantee that if you call her that, you will not get the chance to see her elusive sweet heart.

Since when did pet names become an okay thing to call a stranger?

I wouldn’t hand a stranger his coffee at a cafĂ© and tell him to “have a good day, baby / muffin / pumpkin pie”, so why is ‘sweetheart’, ‘honey’, ‘love’, etc. okay?

I know this is a problem. I always have. I noticed particularly when I stepped out of my house Day 1 presenting as male and was greeted with a totally different dynamic in every customer service circumstance I faced. The thing that really shocked me was seeing it at a swimming school, with children maybe six years old.


Next time I see a little girl requiring assurance in the pool as she learns to swim for the first time, you can be sure I will not tell her ‘you can do it, sweetheart’, I will tell her that she can do it, not because she is sweet, not because she is lovely, but because she is strong.







Thursday 30 April 2015

But Who is Nevo?

Hi, my name is Nevo. Contrary to the name of both my blog and YouTube channel, my name is not pronounced Nee-vo but rather Nehvoh, however I don't expect people to get that right, so let's stick with Nev outside of the humorous pun.

I'm a 19 year old, outgoing, complicated but open young man, who busies myself studying creative advertising, leading at a Jewish youth movement, hanging out with friends, writing my own music and the usual comings and goings of a boy my age. However, I am anything but a typical 19 year old boy (not that I'm even sure that exists). Aside from my various nuanced quirks such as bright aqua hair and many piercings, I also happen to have been assigned female at birth #spoileralert.

This blog will be... well I'm not sure what this blog will be. I guess I'm starting it to try and get my own voice out there. I've been interviewed on documentaries, radio and newspapers and now I'd like to speak on behalf of myself. This is where you will find my true story, written by no-one else but myself. And perhaps through this blog, it will encapsulate the essence that is me.


So while no, I have not exactly "found Nevo", I think this will be an interesting journey, whereby I will have a place to write not just my thoughts, but funny stories that have happened to me, and what has shaped me into the person I am today. I hope you will join me on my own process of "Finding Nevo".